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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 19
7th September, 2005 'CORTEZZI TO WAGE WAR ON MYSTERY MEN ' Joseph_Cortezzi last night spoke to the Gazette and announced his intentions to wage a war on the Mystery Men. He believes that his family has the stamina to defeat the group he branded as “A bunch of (expletive deleted) Pussies”. Originally when questioned, Hoodlum Cortezzi claimed he would be waging a one-man crusade against the Detroit gang, but later stated that his own gang, part of the LCN Syndicate would be partially backing him. Other members of his group have already left him following his announcement. He has asked all those with bloodlines that would be willing to die for the cause to go to war with him, not stopping until all the Mystery Men and their descendants are removed from the community. He stated his reasons as being that they have killed many of his friends. When asked why he was waging a war, as this would ultimately mean more friends dying, his reply was brief: “Then so be it” was all he was willing to say. A spokesperson for the Mystery Men stated that Cortezzi had approached their organisation on several occasions asking for protection, offering to recruit and offering money in order to gain favour with the Detroit gang. When these offers were politely refused, Cortezzi apparently flew into a fury at these declinations and it is believed that this is what has brought about the war that may be turning our streets red in the very near future. The Mystery Men have been reticent in recent days, with little activity coming from their quarter, however, should any of the LCN Syndicate make a move against them, it is believed that they would be swift to react. Many men and women on both sides will lose their lives in what seems to be a declaration of war brought about by personal motives rather than any thought of the greater need of the populace. 'SUICIDE MUGGERS' By: Venom_Vixen A new group is rumoured to have formed on the Las Vegas streets, although they are not considered dangerous many Mafioso have described them as extremely annoying. These new group only revealed itself yesterday and will henceforth be known as the Suicide Muggers. These 'Suicide Muggers' will stalk you, and then while attempting to mug you, walk into your gun. Okay this could be considered an accident once, but then the son's of the Suicide Muggers decide to take over where their fathers left off and do exactly the same thing, ending up in a coffin next to him, closely followed by his grandson and so on. If you take a walk through the cemetery you will see that there are quite a few cases of this happening. So is this another underground group we should be worrying about? Or are they just families who are really bad at mugging? 'WHERE HAS ALL THE COKE GONE?' By TieDomi As of late there has been a huge drop in the amount of coke being put out on the streets. There has been much complaining by Mafiosi who depend on coke to make a living, and to take care of their families. There have also been people on the other end of the spectrum talking about how this cleans up the streets. Even many people who are firmly against drugs think that this is a bad thing though. One prominent figure was quoted as saying, “I am not a fan of drugs. Firmly against them BUT we live in a time where crime rules the world. Criminals outnumber citizens by a great number and even “crooked” citizens outnumber the honest ones. Most people depend primarily on drug running to finance them and their activities. If you take away the most profitable drug, then you take away most of the profit in the community, you take away most of the profit in the community, the economy fails. In turn more damage is actually done when the coke isn’t out there on the streets.” It is possible to say that this man’s statement is proven correct by the recent string of muggings and killings. People having to turn to other means for money, because the economy just isn’t the way it used to be. With all of that being said, what actually is the cause of the coke shortage? Some say that MST is taking in more that can be supplied and that would account for his peculiar behaviour. This was later discredited as it has been pointed out that he has been this way for quite some time now. Some say it is religious, saying that we have done something to upset the Coke Gods, or even worse…the Mafia Gods themselves. Still, others say it’s just a simple case of producers not producing. Citing some of the possible reasons as, the producers being greedy and trying to corner the coke market, running out of ingredients to make a quality strain of coke, and that it’s just too risky of a business anymore with the cops cracking down the way they have been lately. All this reporter can tell you is to keep praying to the Gods and hope that they fix this problem. 'NEW DANGER ON THE STREETS' By MiSTie Not only have we the danger of guns, muggers, Whiners and numerous drugs a new dangerous substance has been sweeping over our city at extraordinary rates. This new Substance is known as Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and has been described by many as the new crack of our world. Although innocently disguised as a harmless bakery good it is hugely addictive and has numerous side affects, including 1) Temporary to permanent insanity 2) OOCitis 3) Huge amounts of weight gain, and 4) The increasingly uncontrollable verbal diarrhoea. Although untested many experts are saying it is completely harmless just limit your children to how many they should have. Here at the Mafia Gazette are dedicated to ridding our streets of such dangers and are asking you our readers to help us do this. We hear from numerous KKD addicts that the best way to rid our world of these monstrosities is to digest them so we are encouraging you to eat as many as you can find and ensure the safety on our streets. 'OPEN LETTER TO THE GAZETTE ' Dear Editor, Dear All, I have recently found that in our pursuit to give truthful, informative and interesting articles you sometimes tread on the toes of other people. Today I did that. Whilst writing what was my longest and hardest article I accidentally trod on the toes of someone who is very important to me. Somehow, during the long and laborious writing and editing process I managed to forget to inform you that the article was in honour of a dear friend of mine who answers to the name Chili. as such I would like to apologize for my oversight and would like to publicly publish this letter to show my sincerity. Best Regards MiSTie 'NEWSPAPER SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE ' The Gazette will now be offering a subscription service for anyone wishing to receive the Mafia Gazette by mob mail or post. Subscriptions will cost$200 per week, $380 per fortnight, $700 per month or $5,000 for a lifetime subscription (post option only for fortnightly, monthly or lifetime subscriptions). All subscriptions will start from the day after subscription fees are paid. Please contact Tallulah for details of subscriptions or to apply to deliver the Gazette weekly subscriptions. Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact Tallulah, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. '' 'COOKERY CORNER' With: Rhiannon A reader sent this one in. And it sounded so good, I thought I would include it. Although im more of a miller light girl myself...enjoy! Guinness Stew: 2 pounds stewing beef 3 tablespoons oil 2 tablespoons flour Salt and freshly ground black pepper Pinch of cayenne 2 large onions, coarsely chopped 1 garlic clove, crushed 2 tablespoons tomato puree, dissolved in 4 tablespoons water 1 1/4 cups Guinness 2 cups largely diced carrots Sprig of fresh thyme Chopped parsley, for garnish -How to Prepare- Trim the meat of any fat or gristle, and cut into 2-inch cubes. Toss beef with 1 tablespoon of the oil. In a small bowl, season the flour with salt, pepper, and cayenne. Toss meat with seasoned flour. Heat the remaining 2 tablespoons oil in a large skillet over high heat. Brown the meat on all sides. Reduce the heat, add the onions, crushed garlic and tomato puree to the skillet, cover, and cook gently for 5 minutes. Transfer the contents of the skillet to a casserole and pour half of the Guinness into the skillet. Bring Guinness to a boil and stir to dissolve the caramelised meat juices on the pan. Pour over the meat, along with the remaining Guinness. Add the carrots and thyme. Stir and adjust seasonings. Cover the casserole and simmer over low heat, or in a 300 degree F oven until the meat is tender, 2 to 3 hours. Garnish the beef with parsley and serve. 'WE HEAR THAT…' Gossip column by: Trixie ....Caserrr and Rhiannon have made plans to kill all the ugly hairy men and keep all the hunks in the playboy mansion as the presidents of the world. ....Moran stole Rhiannon's pink ribbon because he said the colour not only matched his favourite dress, but also brings out the colour of his eyes. Luckily, Rhi' has spares. ....TheCharmer is a wimp. When challenged to honour his Mr. Mafia nomination, he said he didn’t want to appear to be some old guy in a Speedo in front of anyone else. In fact the only person he is more attractive than happens to be TieDomiII. ….Randle_McMurphy is nothing but a newt in mobsters clothing. When he asked about it, MST said his mind was tiny and cannot handle complex things. 'THE COCTAIL LOUNGE Barman: John_Cougar Because your bartender knows more than just how to pour shots and beer… The Zombie 2 oz. Light Rum (bacardi superior), 1 oz. Dark Rum(bacardi spiced), 1 oz. Apricot Brandy, A Splash each of Simple Syrup, Pineapple Juice and 151% Rum Mix rums, brandy, simple syrup & pineapple juice with ice in a Collins glass. Using the back of a spoon, gently float 151 on top. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to Tallulah at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. Are you looking for a few laughs and maybe some Semi Attractive men? Come on down to Finding Neverland Bar, and have a free drink, and maybe some French toast…On us! Visit us at the address below…. We’ll be waiting for you. http://www.mafia.org/m2/comm-readpost.php?bar&id=1067 '''REFERENCES '''1. '''Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=27. Browse • • • • • • •